AS IT IS ITSELF, or
 To Withdraw from the War on Political Corruption and Oppression
by Erik (the Bard) and Rain (the other Bard)

SCENE I
Two people are in a cave.
Herbert and Francis are their names.
Both of them are blind in the left eye.
(the following action takes place at same time)
Her:(covering and uncovering right eye) lights on...lights off..lights 
	on...lights off...(ect.)
Fra:(uncovering and covering right eye) lights off...lights on...lights 
	off...lights on...(ect.)
(time passes)
Fra: Where are we?..lights off..lights on...
Her: Huh?..lights on...lights off...
Fra: I said,"Where are we?" (completely stops playing lights on lights 
	off game)
Her: Uh...I don't know.
END SCENE 1

SCENE 2
Francis is alone in the cave, trying to figure out why covering his left eye has no effect.
Fra: Hmm...
(Herbert enters with a map)
Her: Pack up all your troubles, I found out where we are!
Fra: That's good.
Her: See, I found this map.
Fra: Let me see.
Her: There we are, and there's everything else in the world.
Fra: That's just a picture of us.
Her: Oh.  My fault.
END SCENE DOS



SCENE III

Francis is alone in cave, still covering left eye.
Herbert enters with broom.
Fra: Hmm..(trys covering right eye-realizes the effect and is delighted)
Her: Look what I found!
Fra:(still covering right eye) What did you find?
Her: Its a broom.
Fra: And?   What, no dustpan?
Her: There's no pleasing some people.(exit)
Fra:(yelling after him) Antinomies! Antinomies! Antimones! Whatever that 
	means.(uncovers eye) Oh look! A broom.  What should I do with this?  
	I know!  I'll...(Francis puts broom in front of his right eye and 
	accidentely pokes it out, blinding himself completely)
END SCENE III

SCENE IV

Herbert enters again, with a box.
Her: Look, look! I found it! In this box, everything!  Where we are, who we are, why 
	we're here, who God is, how to get the post office to acknowledge a change of 
	address card.  Everything!  Here's the Dead Sea scrolls!  Here's Einstein's Unified 
	Field Equation! Here's Nixon's tapes!  Here's what Bush knew about Iran-
	Contra(pulls out thick book)  Here's what Quayle knew period(pulls out pamphlet)  
	It's all here!  Read it to me!
Fra: I can't.  I poked my eye out.
Her: Well that sucks.
END SCENE FOUR

SCENE IV-2

Fra: Herbert?
Her: Yes?
Fra: Will you read it to me?
Her: Read what?
Fra: How to get to the post office.
Her: Okay. (Herbert starts digging through box) The problem with a box 
	that holds everything in it is that its hard to find anything... 
	Oh, finding everything is easy, its just finding anything that's 
	the problem.
(as Herbert rambles on with his head in the box, Francis gets up and 
stumbles offstage)
	END SCENE IV-2

SCENE V
Her: Ah..Here it is.  Francis? Francis!
END SCENE V

SCENE VI
Francis is by an underground river.  Herbert comes up to him, carrying 
box.
Fra: Herbert? Is that you?
Her: Yes Francis. (puts box on ground)
Fra: Good-bye. (drowns himself)
Her: Francis!(runs to water's edge, tripping over box and spilling 
	everything on ground) Oh Francis.
Fra: Hello Herbert.
Her: Where'd you come from?
Fra: I was in the box that holds everything.  And look, I got me eye 
	back.
Her: All right Francis. (Herbert puts everything back in box including 
	Francis) 
	END OF PLAY